Coaching or Counselling? Which One Is Right For You?

Coaching or Counselling? Which one is right for you?

I get asked this question a lot, often by people who simply don't know the difference. That's our problem, as professional coaches and counsellors. We are not getting the message out for people to understand the difference. I'll try to make some sense of it!

'Is what I need therapy, or is it coaching?' 'Am I 'too broken' for coaching?' 'Is coaching just therapy without the credentials?'

Having spent years as a BACP Accredited therapist before training as an ICF-credentialed coach, I've sat on both sides of this line. I can tell you, it's a real line, not a hierarchy. Not 'therapy for the wounded, coaching for the movers.' Just two different tools, built for two different jobs.

Here's how I explain it to clients.

Counselling looks back to help you understand and heal

Counselling is often about making sense of why you are the way you are. It often works with the past and the patterns you learned as a younger self, the beliefs that were weaved in before you had any say in the matter, the wounds that are still running the show.

Counselling is slower by design. It has to be. You can't rush understanding, and you can't shortcut healing.

If you're dealing with anxiety, depression, grief, trauma, or you keep repeating the same patterns in relationships and don't know why, well, that's counselling territory. It's the work of untangling, processing and healing the past.

Counselling and therapy also tend to have longer certification processes and different practices when working with clients. They work in accordance with their regulatory body, such as the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (there are others). In the UK, the term counsellor and therapist are not protected and, therefore, people can call themselves a counsellor without specific training, certification or membership of a professional body. This is certainly worth asking about if you are looking to work with a counsellor.

Coaching looks forward to help you build

Coaching starts from a different question, not 'why am I like this?' but 'where do I want to go, and what's actually in my way?' It assumes you're stuck, or unclear, or carrying beliefs that once served you and now don't, not that you need to heal the past.

It's more structured, more practical and action focused, and it moves faster because it isn't trying to work through your whole history. Coaching works with the parts of your story that are still writing your script without your permission. It works with helping you rewrite the story, for one that actually fits with you, not one that was created for you.

If you know roughly what you want but can't seem to get out of your own way, that's coaching territory. It's the work of building.

Although coaching isn't as strictly regulated as counselling, professional coaches are trained and certified by a coaching body, like the International Coaching Federation, adhering to their ethics and standards (there are other coaching credentialing bodies). Some people do work as coaches without any training or membership of a professional, regulatory body. This is a good question to ask when looking for a coach to work with.

Where it's not so black and white

What I have experienced, as a dual certified coach and counsellor. Very few people are purely one or the other. The woman who wants help building a business can also still feel controlled by a belief her father planted in 1998, or the man who wants to stop overthinking every decision can also be carrying real, unprocessed grief he's never really looked at.

This is why I've been developing a different way of working, something I'm calling The Oakwood Path (more on this soon). It's rooted in a simple idea that sometimes you can't build a strong future on unhealed ground, and you can't heal your way into a future you've never let yourself imagine.

The idea is for the work to move through three stages roots, trunk, branches: healing what needs healing, strengthening what needs strengthening, and then creating what comes next. It's designed to bend to what you actually need, rather than forcing you into a box marked "counselling" or "coaching."

So which one is right for you?

As a general rule of thumb, if most of your energy seems to focus on understanding why, start with counselling. If most of your energy goes into figuring out what's next, start with coaching. And if you're honestly not sure, that's a common place to be, and it's worth a conversation to figure out what you need, rather than guessing. You don't have to pick the 'right' label. Both coaches and counsellors are wanting to help you with whatever is sitting heavily or wherever you feel stuck. They both have specific skillsets and ways of working, and it is important to get the kind of support that is what you really need for where you are.

Questions to consider when looking for support

• Am I thinking of what has happened or where I want to go?

• Do I feel that I need to work through my past or figure out where I am going and move forward?

• Does the past seem to be controlling me?

• Am I replaying the past a lot?

• Have I already worked on my past experiences and now want to move forward?

• What questions do I have for the coach or counsellor?

• What is important for me to tell them to begin with?

Things to think through

• Do they offer a 'free initial call?'

• How did I feel when I spoke to the coach or counsellor?

• Did I feel heard?

• Are they trained and a member of a professional body?

• Did I feel like I could trust the person and be honest with them?

• Lastly, the connection between you and your coach/counsellor

  is key to both coaching and counselling relationships - listen to your gut!

If you're not sure which side of that line you're on, that's a common place to be and it's the kind of conversation I love having. Feel free to book a free call if you'd like to talk it through https://calendly.com/laurahaywoodcoaching/initial-call