When You’re Ready for Change, But Not Quite Ready to Let Go

You know something needs to change. You may not know exactly what the change needs to be, or be able to explain why you feel the way you do. You just know that something doesn't feel right.

In my experience as a coach, counsellor (& human myself), the challenge of knowing that you want something different, and being ready to let go of what you already have, are two different things. For some, that can be a tough place to be in.

The pull between what is familiar and what is possible

There's often an assumption that when we're ready for change, we'll simply make the decision and move forward. It's not always that straightforward. Even when something is actually damaging, it can still feel familiar, safe and predictable. You know how things work and you know what to expect. You may have spent years building a particular life, relationship, career or identity.

Letting go of that can bring up all sorts of questions:

What if I make the wrong decision? What if I regret it? What if things don't work out? Who am I if I stop being the person I've always been? What if it all goes horribly wrong?

Sometimes, the thing you're holding onto isn't something you still want. It's simply what you know, and there can be a certain comfort in the known, even when that known can be uncomfortable.

Change can involve loss

Change is often presented as exciting, empowering and full of possibility. And it can be all of those things, and change can also involve grief. You may be grieving a version of yourself, a dream you once had, a relationship you hoped would be different, a career you thought you'd stay in forever, a future you imagined for yourself.

Even positive change involves letting go and leaving something behind. Telling yourself to just let go isn't always helpful. Sometimes you need to understand what you're letting go of first. You might need space to acknowledge what something has meant to you, what it has given you, what it has cost you and why you've held onto it for so long. It's part of the process.

You don't have to know it all

One of the biggest traps people can fall into is believing that they need certainty before they can make a change. They wait until everything is 'lined up' and they know exactly what they want. They wait until they're confident, no longer afraid, or have a five-year plan neatly mapped out. That can then move into procrastination and self-sabotage and you don't change at all. You stay stuck.

Clarity can come through taking a step, rather than before it. You can be uncertain and still be ready. You can be frightened and still move forward. You can miss what you're leaving behind and still know that you're ready for something different. These things can exist alongside each other.

So, what does being 'ready' look like?

Being ready might not mean feeling completely certain, it might mean being willing to be honest with yourself, to acknowledge that something needs to change, to stop forcing yourself to fit into a life that no longer feels like yours, to become curious about what you need, rather than what you think you should need. It can mean being willing to take the next small step without knowing exactly where the whole road will lead, giving yourself permission to try new beliefs, patterns and behaviours along the way.

There is no prize for rushing the process. Some changes need time, some need understanding, some need courage, and some need a little bit of all three.

Understanding yourself, your experiences, your patterns and the things that may be keeping you stuck can create the space for meaningful change. Once you have that understanding, coaching can help you explore what comes next, what you want, what needs to change and how you want to move forward.

The most helpful thing you can start with is to pause and listen to what's really going on. When you're ready, you can then take the next step. You don't have to let go of everything all at once. You just have to be honest about what isn't helping you today, and acknowledge that you're ready to let go of. That's where change really begins.

A different way of working

This is actually at the heart of why I've developed my new way of working. I now offer life coaching, counselling and The Oakwood Path, which is a gradual journey that brings the two together.

For some people, counselling is the place to begin, somewhere to slow things down, make sense of what's happening, explore the past, understand the patterns that may be keeping them stuck and start to heal.

For others, they already know what's in the past and coaching can be the right place to start, a space to focus on where they are now, what they want to change, what’s getting in their way, and how they want to move forward.

The Oakwood Path is designed to allow that process to unfold rather than choosing between looking back or moving forward. It begins with counselling, creating space for understanding and healing, and gradually moves towards coaching as the focus shifts towards change, action and the future.

Laura Haywood is a dual-certified ICF PCC life coach and MBACP (Reg.) counsellor, based in the UK. Having spent nearly 10 years coaching in the US, Laura offers online coaching to clients throughout the UK and the US. In addition, Laura offers counselling and The Oakwood Path to clients throughout the UK. Laura offers a free, no pressure call to talk through what you're looking for. You can book here.