Mindset in Tough Times: Who Are You When It’s Hard?
- Laura Haywood
- 23 hours ago
- 5 min read
Let’s be honest, mindset feels easy when things are good, when work is going well, when your energy is good, when you feel well, when life is flowing.
But what about when it’s not? When work becomes stressful, when confidence wobbles, when something unexpected lands and knocks the wind out of you, when the world feels heavy.
That’s when mindset stops being a buzzword and starts being a core component. Tough times reveal the mindset that’s running the show. If we start spiraling and don’t like what we see, that’s our opportunity, not failure. It’s information and a chance to learn and grow. So, let’s talk about it properly.
What Mindset Actually Is, And What It Isn’t
Mindset is not pretending everything is fine. It’s not slapping a positive quote over something that hurts. And it’s definitely not bypassing real emotion in the name of “staying high vibe.”
Mindset is the meaning you attach to what’s happening. It’s the lens you look through. It's also reframing old beliefs and stories so you don't stay stuck.
Two people can experience the same setback. One sees proof they’re not good enough.
The other sees feedback and adjusts. Same circumstances, different interpretation.
You can’t always control what lands in your lap, but you can shape how you respond, and influence how long you stay stuck there. That’s the work.
The Default Reactions We Slip Into
When things get tough, most of us default to past reactions. It’s habit, until we realise our reactions are not helpful or serving us, and decide to ‘flip the script’ and start responding differently, not by default, but by choosing how we show up.
These are three common patterns and beliefs that can show up when things go awry. Do you recognise yourself in any of these?
1. Catastrophising
‘This always happens.' ‘It’s all falling apart.’ ‘I knew it wouldn’t work.’
Your brain is scanning for evidence of repeating patterns. It wants certainty, and if it can’t find it, it invents worst-case scenarios. The problem? You start responding to a story instead of the actual situation. Stories can be dramatic things and we can introduce self-fulfilling prophecies by perceiving setbacks as ‘things always fall apart’ and focusing on that aspect.
2. Grabbing for Control
Overworking. Micromanaging. Trying to force outcomes. Speeding everything up.
There’s a collective pressure right now that everything should move faster, grow faster, get results faster, heal faster.
So, when setbacks appear, we push for control. Often the setback isn’t in our control and pushing from fear rarely produces clean results. It produces exhaustion and more setbacks.
What we can control is how we respond to the setback and what mindset we reside in.
3. Shutting Down
Procrastinating. Numbing out. Avoiding the email. Avoiding the decision.
It feels safer not to move than to risk getting it wrong. Standing still out of fear isn’t patience, it’s protection. Protection might be necessary for a time, while the dust settles.
Not remaining stuck in it is the key.
The Shift That Changes Everything
Here’s where we flip the script. Instead of asking ‘How do I make this go away?’ Try asking yourself ‘Who do I want to be in this season?’ That question moves you from outcome to identity. Tough times can be identity-shaping moments.
You can’t always control how quickly things resolve but you can choose responding over reacting, thoughtful over frantic, grounded over panic, curious over defeated. That’s power and empowering.
From ‘Why Me?’ to ‘What Now?’
The ‘why me?’ spiral is seductive. It gives you something to noodle over. It keeps you stuck in a negative loop. It rarely gives you helpful choices and decisions, or moves
you forward.
‘What now?’ is different. ‘What now?’ puts your feet back on the ground. What is within my control today? What is the next best step, given the situation? What support do I need instead of pretending I don’t? What can I learn from this time? How can I grow and shift my focus and mindset?
Micro-decisions create momentum. And momentum rebuilds confidence.
Emotional Responsibility
To be clear, you are allowed to feel all of it. Frustration. Disappointment. Fear. Anger. You just don’t want to stay in the feelings permanently. That is when you get stuck.
Feelings are signals, they are not instructions. Naming an emotion reduces its intensity. It moves you from being swallowed by it to witnessing it and being curious. ‘I’m noticing anxiety.’ ‘I’m feeling disappointed.’ ‘What is that all about?’
That small shift creates space, and space is where awareness and helpful decisions live.
Growth Isn’t Always Glamorous
Sometimes, growth looks like resting instead of proving, saying no instead of saying yes to everything, asking for help instead of carrying it alone, slowing down instead of chasing. Sometimes, it's working hard to notice the old negative thought patterns and stories that have become habit, and reframing them into new, aligned helpful thoughts and stories.
We glorify the comeback story. We rarely honour the recalibration. It’s in the recalibration where resilience can be built and mindset can be changed.
What if this setback isn’t here to break you? What if it’s refining you and helping you learn new ways of coping and framing things, so you can feel differently and show up differently? Not in a fluffy, silver-lining way. In a capacity-building way. In a way that empowers you to respond in a healthy way, and not just be reactive and fall into the same old default.
Practical Ways to Strengthen Your Mindset Right Now
Keeping you grounded! Try these:
Daily control check. Ask ‘What is actually within my control today?’ Focus there.
Evidence journal. 'When have I handled hard things before?' 'What did I do that worked?' You have more proof of resilience than you think.
Reality Check. Catch one unhelpful belief and question it. ‘Is the story I am telling myself true in this moment?’ ‘Is this fact or fear talking?’
Support audit. ‘Who can hold space while I steady myself?’ Strength is not isolation.
Gratitude. Focus on 1-3 things you are grateful for each day, rather than solely focusing on the setback. This creates awareness of the world still around you, and what we focus on grows.
Practice until it sticks – always! Not perfectly. Consistently.
You’re Not Behind. You’re Growing.
Tough seasons and setbacks have a way of making you feel stuck, not good enough, late or off track. You’re not behind. You’re in a chapter, a phase, and chapters don’t define the whole book. The real question isn’t ‘When will this be over?’ It’s this:
When you look back on this season, what will you be proud of about how you handled it? What can you learn along the way?
You are more capable than you think. If this resonates, sit with it. Don’t rush to fix or to force. Steady is powerful. Learning new mindset is empowering.
Laura is an ICF professional, certified life coach. She is passionate about helping people get unstuck & out of their own way. As a previous therapist, and now coach-for-life, Laura brings deep insight, experience and appreciation for people wanting to move forward with meaningful change. If you are looking for a coach to help you shine in the world, then reach out for a free discovery call, to see how coaching with Laura could help you. Rooted in therapy, powered by coaching, focused on you!
